Friday, November 26, 2010

God Hates Divorce

God hates divorce.  I know firsthand many of the reasons why.  The one that hurts me the most is what it does to the innocent children left behind.  The lawyers are paid, the stuff is split, the worlds and hearts ripped apart.  Words spoken in hurt and anger that should never be uttered.  Words spoken out of desperation; out of pride and self-preservation when really what everyone wants is to turn back time and have a do-over.  The “if only” thoughts plague the ones left behind, the children who are reeling from something they do not understand.  A piece of paper changes the family to a group of broken and wounded people with years of tears and regrets.  We are His children, it hurts His heart, God hates divorce. 

The holiday’s go from being a family time full of making memories to days full of regrets and hidden tears.  We each wonder deep into the night what could have been, what should have been…  This passes on to generations to follow.  Divorce is a curse that we pass onto our children; into their marriages and their children.  Everyone has divorce in his or her family.  No one is immune any more.  It affects grandparents, siblings, cousins, nieces, and nephews.  It changes our friends, our social circles and hurts people we never even realize.  When I was a kid, divorce was rare and I remember only one or two kids I grew up with having divorced parents.  Now it is everywhere.  I am heartbroken repeatedly when families fall apart in our church.  Sadly, the church is not equipped to fight for marriage.  They cannot do it all; nevertheless, it is ignored, tolerated, and accepted as the norm.  Usually both parties move on either to another church or just quit church all together.  Shame binds us, satan uses shame to keep us defeated, quiet and isolated.  Divorced people are pitied, disliked, or forced to hang out together because they somehow become leprous to others regardless of the circumstances. We have to put on a brave face, walk it out. Some of us are not given a choice.  We fight and still do not win the war.  His grace is sufficient.  His strength is your strength.  Jesus will never leave you nor forsake you, EVER. 

I write to those who are married.  If you are considering divorce or leaving your spouse, seek the Lord.  Seek Him in every decision, every relationship, and every possible moment of each day.  Obviously if your life or children’s lives are in danger, this changes your situation and you must protect yourself.  More often than not, that is not the case.  Marriage takes both of you to make it work, both committed 100%.  Seek counsel; biblical, Christian counsel.  Seek accountability, seek help.  Pray for your spouse.  Swallow your pride and seek help, never be too proud to ask for help, ask for forgiveness.  Be willing to forgive, be willing to do the hard stuff even if it is for nothing other than doing what is right. Never make a decision based on how you feel but on what is right. Know that when you go to bed at night, you fought and sacrificed to save your family, protect your children from their world being torn apart and never being right again. Storm the gates of hell to do what is right! Just because divorce is legal, easy and no-fault does not make it right.  Not one thing or person is worth the price children pay for our failures; for our choices.  They do not have a choice, as parents, we have all the power.  If they had to choose, there would be a lot less divorce.  To children the choice is easy, it is simple. Love one another. 

We are to guard them, protect them, nurture them, and teach them the ways of the Lord.  God hates divorce.  Malachi 2:16


  1. Your frank, truthful, and sober words leave me speechless, Melissa. My own parents divorced when I was 24, and my heart still reels during holidays, on birthdays, and at random memories. Thank you for using your hurts to shake up complacency. May God abundantly bless you and your girls with healing, protection, and joy. Ava

  2. I shared this with a hurting friend and wanted to follow up on the comments I have received privately too. Elizabeth Elliot's devotional I read recently spoke about there is a reason satan wants the 'family' destroyed. It is not a coincidence the bible passages on the warfare of the believer immediately follows Paul's specific instructions about intimate relationships: wives, submit; husbands, love; fathers, do not goad your children to resentment. These are the areas of satans most vicious and relentless attacks. The Christian home is the strong foundation for Christ and satan will NEVER let up his attempts to undermine it, destroy it, replace it or make you think it is okay to walk away. When the family is destroyed, it changes the dynamics of everything. Who is winning that war?