Monday, January 23, 2012

Divorce 101.


There are several people in my life right now walking away from their marriages for the wrong reasons.  One very close to me that needs to seek help or protection until things change, yet refuses to.  If only men and women would love one another, the kind of love that throws itself under the bus to protect the other one. I often imagine the impact believers would have if only....




Hear this:  WHEN there is abuse and adultery involved, protect yourself and your family. For some, there comes a time when you have to close the door to someone in your life that hurts and abuses you. Specifically, when they are refusing to repent, to change and seek help. You cannot change someone who doesn't want to change nor is it your job to so. But leaving a marriage because you cannot get along; grown apart or because someone other than your spouse has turned your head, is wrong! We should be fighting harder FOR our marriages than against it.

  • Never think for one moment divorce is easy. LIE.
  • You may be thinking someone else can rock your world and make it all better. LIE. 
  • Never believe that it won't hurt your kids. LIE. 
  • Divorce Myths: 1. When love has gone out a marriage, it is better to get divorced. 2. It is better for the children for the unhappy couple to divorce than to raise their children in the atmosphere of an unhappy marriage. 3. Divorce is the lesser of two evils. 4. You owe it to yourself. 5. Everyone's entitled to one mistake. 6. God led me to this divorce. (RC Sproul)

Even when you have to leave; your children's world will be torn apart. They are not resilient; they don't bounce back or just get over it, not ever. One day they will see and understand if you had to do it for their protection and yours. It is a difficult road to walk. God does heal our wounds and He will be a Father to the fatherless. He is faithful. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. However, the consequences of our choices; those scars and hurts will be there for the rest of our lives and theirs. That is the sad reality of it no matter "why" it happens. If you are in this place, prayerfully weigh each decision, prayerfully seek Godly counsel of more than one person.



If you find yourself having to leave and/or seek divorce, make the choice to live YOUR life seeking and walking with the Lord. Humble yourself before the Lord; pray for your spouse no matter the outcome. If your spouse is willing, God will change their hearts and bring them home. Regardless, let Jesus heal your hurts. Let Him give you comfort. Let Him hear your cries. Never give up on doing what is right. You will not find happiness jumping into another relationship, at the bar, in a bottle or pills. (1 Cor 6:19-20) Your children need to see Christ modeled in at least one parent if it cannot be both. Both the church and the world need to see courageous men and women stop this foolishness; get up and follow Him no matter what is going on in their lives. To many people call themselves 'Christians' yet go their own way. (Luke 6:46)



If you know someone who is divorced or going through one, do not ignore them or treat them as if something is wrong with them.  You may not understand or know what to say but kindness, acceptance and probably a friend is what is really needed. Don't judge or pity them, love them instead. Be a friend to them as you would want to have if something cataclysmic happened in your life. They may need nothing more than someone to listen to them. Above all, pray for them.

Lastly, if you know someone who is choosing to compromise, or about to break up their family...love them enough to speak truth to them. They may not hear it; they may get mad at you. It may even cost you a friendship.

Love them enough to do it anyway.







Photos from Moriah Sutton photos. 

9 comments:

  1. Melissa, I am speechless. Your words penetrated my heart (the deep dark secret parts); as I, have often played the "what if's" in my mind . . . . and even heart. Learning to love through that thing called unconditional love. Thank you for speaking words of truth!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen and I know you do the same. Bless you and your family. =)

      Delete
  2. I really love this post and you know what, one thing I know you said that is true because I've lived it...kids are not resilient and they will never just bounce back. I never did and my parents divorced with I was around 7. God heals though and restores, but it is never the same.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I trust God will bring beauty from ashes in both our lives and in the lives of my children. He will use these hurts and scars for His glory. I hold tight to that promise. Sorry for the delay in replying, we had a family crisis and I couldn't get my phone to log on correctly. Praying for you.

      Delete
  3. I am on my second marriage, this is the 3rd time in the 4yrs we've been together that he's gone to jail. My first marriage ended because of drugs, alcohol, and abuse, from both him and I. I have 3 children from my 1st husband and 1 from my husband now. My husband now, I'm contemplating divorcing as well. My family is begging me too. I'm so confused, but I know God is still on the throne! Pray for me....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Praying God's wisdom, peace and strength for you! - Melissa

      Delete
    2. Praying for you. That verse comes to my mind about trusting Him no matter what our circumstances or what we think we know. You are absolutely correct, God is on the throne and always will be. He is King and I look forward to Christ's return!

      Delete
  4. Found a great blog tonight. www.raisinghomemakers.com and look for her post called "A Letter to my Children about Marriage"

    ReplyDelete