There are several people in my life right now walking away from their marriages for the wrong reasons. One very close to me that needs to seek help or protection until things change, yet refuses to. If only men and women would love one another, the kind of love that throws itself under the bus to protect the other one. I often imagine the impact believers would have if only....
Hear this: WHEN there is abuse and adultery involved, protect yourself and your family. For some, there comes a time when you have to close the door to someone in your life that hurts and abuses you. Specifically, when they are refusing to repent, to change and seek help. You cannot change someone who doesn't want to change nor is it your job to so. But leaving a marriage because you cannot get along; grown apart or because someone other than your spouse has turned your head, is wrong! We should be fighting harder FOR our marriages than against it.
- Never think for one moment divorce is easy. LIE.
- You may be thinking someone else can rock your world and make it all better. LIE.
- Never believe that it won't hurt your kids. LIE.
Even when you have to leave; your children's world will be torn apart. They are not resilient; they don't bounce back or just get over it, not ever. One day they will see and understand if you had to do it for their protection and yours. It is a difficult road to walk. God does heal our wounds and He will be a Father to the fatherless. He is faithful. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. However, the consequences of our choices; those scars and hurts will be there for the rest of our lives and theirs. That is the sad reality of it no matter "why" it happens. If you are in this place, prayerfully weigh each decision, prayerfully seek Godly counsel of more than one person.
If you find yourself having to leave and/or seek divorce, make the choice to live YOUR life seeking and walking with the Lord. Humble yourself before the Lord; pray for your spouse no matter the outcome. If your spouse is willing, God will change their hearts and bring them home. Regardless, let Jesus heal your hurts. Let Him give you comfort. Let Him hear your cries. Never give up on doing what is right. You will not find happiness jumping into another relationship, at the bar, in a bottle or pills. (1 Cor 6:19-20) Your children need to see Christ modeled in at least one parent if it cannot be both. Both the church and the world need to see courageous men and women stop this foolishness; get up and follow Him no matter what is going on in their lives. To many people call themselves 'Christians' yet go their own way. (Luke 6:46)
If you know someone who is divorced or going through one, do not ignore them or treat them as if something is wrong with them. You may not understand or know what to say but kindness, acceptance and probably a friend is what is really needed. Don't judge or pity them, love them instead. Be a friend to them as you would want to have if something cataclysmic happened in your life. They may need nothing more than someone to listen to them. Above all, pray for them.
Lastly, if you know someone who is choosing to compromise, or about to break up their family...love them enough to speak truth to them. They may not hear it; they may get mad at you. It may even cost you a friendship.
Love them enough to do it anyway.
Photos from Moriah Sutton photos.